Knowing nothingness. . .

The wholesale idea appeals to me. Nothingness. I have never really thought to much about the idea, but right now the concept seems rather a good one. Having nothingness, being nothingness and accepting the idea as the solution instead as the reason. Nothingness can be the answer. Imagne having no worries. No problems. Nothing. While everyone is all busy getting theirs I want nothing. Nothing more to think about, plan for, hope for, dream for, all of it actually is nothingness. No one will remember, even hoping for closure is worth .nothing. I give into it now. Never have done this before, made this decision to give up and just stop. Nothing is worthwhile if your heart and soul are not there anymore to guide you through the process of this horrific thing we call life. I have lost my compass and I don't know what to do. . When people who are supposed to love and protect us through the shadows turn out to be the monster under the bed, who can the child turn to and how does it know true love or even the signs of it?
Rely on yourself I always thought, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  . I don't believe that anymore. There are things in this life that will sit tight in your heart and soul, things that will eat away at a persons sanity,  slowly but surely wearing the victim down until nothingness is all that is left.
Nothing left but the shell of this life that was or even the life that could have been.
Some wounds are just that deep.. they never really heal and in the end they get what they wanted all along... or the people handing out the cuts do and I just guess I should have known all along... should have understood all this before now. . But it's just to little to late... the abusers win this one.

Nothingness. . . . .